Feel Good Drag.

Another “feel good” song ? Nah, it’s a song to mark how one freed from his “feel good” feeling. Lol.

Anberlin – The Feel Good Drag

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Of two things I was certain about myself :

1. I’m half-assed about almost everything that I do.

2. I’m half-assed about almost everything that I do and I didn’t even realize that.

 

A few days ago some friends of mine came up to ask me about a common math question. I was so confident about my math skill I didn’t even bother reading the question before came up with a victorious smile on my face telling ’em that “Leave it to meh, homies, it’s no big deal”.

I fcked up. Simple. Sweet. They would have walked away laughing out loud at my stupidity. I would’ve sit there on the desk looking dumbfounded at my own self. I bet they would’ve tell themselves that the question was so hard even a scholar couldn’t solve it.

It was more than easy. It was not a tricky question but rather one that test how much effort have the student paid in the subject. It was simply checking if the student have reviewed that particular chapter. I didn’t, and the Math paper was just days ahead.

Fact is, I never was so serious about anything. I’m half way good at computing, I’m half way good at math, I’m half way good at basketball, I’m half way good at soccer, I’m half way good at art stuff like designing, drawing and singing, I’m half way good at badminton, I’m half way good at writing. I’m half way good at almost everything, and the list of ‘everything’ was so long I could have mastered so many of them first and care about the rest later.

I was simply following my heart but didn’t listen to my head. People said that I have potential and I always stop at that point. I spent 60, 70% of my effort into something and thought that I have gave it all that I had. I didn’t realized how many sweat and tears it takes before one can achieve recognition.

It’s easier being a child. You spend 60% of your effort and you can be better than others. But I’m no kid no more. People keep growing and that little 60% ain’t gonna be enough any more.

I hate competitive people but I realized that in order to live one’s life to the fullest he mustn’t stop trying, not to surpass others but to surpass his own limitation. It’s no fun living a half-assed life. It’s no fun waking up every morning to think that you could’ve done it better, not to be better than others but to be better than yourself. It’s no fun lying down on your bed every night to see how far have others gone and you still wandering at the same place. You suddenly feel so bad you just want to go back to the past and slap your old self so many times to wake him up from his cushion of hallucination.

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Anberlin – Paperthin Hymn

Of two things that I’m now certain about myself :

1. I was half-assed about almost everything that I did.

2. I’m going to fix them, little by little, step by step.

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Feel Good Inc.

Oh yeah, feel good.

Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.

S9 - Feel Good Inc.

Guess what, I’m back. After a week full of tests and exams, I’m ready for just another week full of tests and exams. ^^”

Yes, I was busy, and I will be busy, so sorry to those who’ve been following my blog (if there’s any at all, haha) but I won’t be updating it too often. Once or twice a week is the best that I could bring out at this moment.

Yes, also went through a week of struggling with some relationship problems. It ain’t too big nor too small, just enough to keep my mind occupied time after time. Now it seems quite settled, mostly because I decided to put it aside. I’m busy enough without it troubling me. I’m tired of it.

Btw, this Feel Good Inc. song rocks. It’s dark and abnormal, makes me feel good, too. Sometimes I feel annoyed of the obnoxious laughing in the background, but, meh, they make the song different from others, and most of the time seems funny  (oh really? I must be out of my mind to name such kind of laughing “funny”).

P/s : Right, you are looking at my Cowon S9 – my pride. And don’t ever mention about iPod Touch here, coz the S9’s sound quality just simply beat the shiet out of the iTouch’s.

Weekend Update

Lost Prophets – 4AM forever

 

Woke up at 4.21 in the morning.

It has been a busy week and all, with exams and stuffs, but I’m fine with it. Again, no inspiration as days go by. It’s not even a big deal anymore, and I had decided to leave it untouched for a while. All I’m doing is pushing me to go ahead. “Aight, 100 more days and that’s it”, I often repeat to myself that phrase. I hope it won’t lose it’s magic soon.

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Yeah, 4AM forever, gotta love the phrase.

It’s a song for broken-hearted people I guess. I’m not broken-hearted (not anytime soon, babe), but some phrases are so right for me. I’m technically out of friends atm. There’s only some “mates” left. It’s fun and all with them, and I enjoy them (and right, they are all guys but luckily I’m yet to become a homo).

Just that you hate it when distance and time diverse your so-called brothers (and sisters), or whatever I used to call them, away. You are left alone, understand the fate of life but still wondering why people are so alike. Sad or disappointment, you aren’t sure which word is right, thinking of how you tried to keep them accompanied when they have nobody left for them (or is it just another hallucination?) just a few months ago (alright, it’s already half a year gone by), and now, there’s you waiting for them to do something like that back for you. If I can have my neck to grow longer for the time that I wait for responses from them, I might be a good giraffe now.

 

Lost prophets – Rooftop

But why did I care ? I don’t know. Probably the The Shawnshank Redemption‘s “aftereffect” (again), I always fell for that ‘excellent’ partnership in the movie. There’s a new juice this time, though. It tells me, this time, that for most people (aside from that Red, or probably, Brooks of yours), if you ain’t gonna bring them any benefits, then they wouldn’t even care if you’re exist or not. True enough. When you are young, you come to people when it’s fun to be with them. When you grow a bit older, you come to people when it’s cool to be with them. And when you grow just-a-little-bit more older, you come to people when it’s beneficial to be with them. It’s not correct all the way, but it clear many things up, and that’s enough.

 

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Aight, enough for my whining. Frankly, I’m tired of it, too. So there’s wont be anything like this anytime soon. Spending more time on your own isn’t all that bad, and I have learned how to squeeze every positive juice out of anything. Must admit that it’s epic how a different paradigm can bring you a new mindset.

 

So, finish up that two songs above, and Wake up., ’nuff said.

Lost Prophets – Wake Up (Make a move)

To make it through this life

Holly Brook – What I wouldn’t give

to make it through this life keep two things in mind, today your still alive but some day you’re gonna die, and why, the answers are hidden up in the skies, could it be for me the answers are hidden up in a rhyme? if you see clouds above they’re sending you signs of rain and if there are clouds up in your brain the pain stains your frame of mind, blind and dumb now you’re the last to know, while you were stuck in cruise control you couldn’t see the road through your window, into the future what’s the next thing? wondering who guides the twists and turns and lessons this life brings, too many songs to sing, which one fits you the most? let my soul decide why I try and music gives me hope.. it’s a strange maze we’re living in, it’s up to god where we begin and in between crossroads and dead ends we look for where we’ll end, we’re given friends that lend sense and some direction, guessing which section holds the right foot steps to step in, and together we search to find our way, day to day living life everyday it’s a new stage, a new page we’re turning of a book that’s incomplete endless blank pages are earning new conclusions in our sleep, it’s deep, how shit can happen without you really knowing, walking along this maze just to get where you’re going while growing, going with the flow you’re taking chances, this life is never really what it is at first glances, so take another look and try to get through to the place to be there’s so many ways to be but where we end up it’s destiny

to make it through this life keep two things in mind, today you’re still alive but someday you’re gonna fly

i’m flyn..

credit to MYK

 

I like MYK and his thoughts almost as much as how I like Tablo from Epik High. They and the people from mapthesoul.com are among those more talented people: those who are deep and thoughtful. You don’t see them come around often.

It took me awhile to actually find a song that resemble the mood of the passage from MYK. I finally came across “What I wouldn’t give” by Holly Brook. It has a slow melody and deep lyrics. Plus, Holly Brook’s voice is just downright sweet. She kept you wondering through the whole song, and then concluded it with a short but meaningful sentence. I’m sure you can feel it too: her high note makes you fly.

Home

Michael Buble – Home

Ok, first thing first, I have no girlfriend *smile awkwardly*. Well, just in case you misinterpret the reason why I posted the song here.
It does describe my feeling at the moment though.
I found it so hard to talk with my old friends the way we used to. There’s definitely an invisible wall between us all now.
Hope they’ll have fun with their holiday back there, in our hometown.
It’s cold today, here in this strange hostel room.