Feel Good Drag.

Another “feel good” song ? Nah, it’s a song to mark how one freed from his “feel good” feeling. Lol.

Anberlin – The Feel Good Drag

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Of two things I was certain about myself :

1. I’m half-assed about almost everything that I do.

2. I’m half-assed about almost everything that I do and I didn’t even realize that.

 

A few days ago some friends of mine came up to ask me about a common math question. I was so confident about my math skill I didn’t even bother reading the question before came up with a victorious smile on my face telling ’em that “Leave it to meh, homies, it’s no big deal”.

I fcked up. Simple. Sweet. They would have walked away laughing out loud at my stupidity. I would’ve sit there on the desk looking dumbfounded at my own self. I bet they would’ve tell themselves that the question was so hard even a scholar couldn’t solve it.

It was more than easy. It was not a tricky question but rather one that test how much effort have the student paid in the subject. It was simply checking if the student have reviewed that particular chapter. I didn’t, and the Math paper was just days ahead.

Fact is, I never was so serious about anything. I’m half way good at computing, I’m half way good at math, I’m half way good at basketball, I’m half way good at soccer, I’m half way good at art stuff like designing, drawing and singing, I’m half way good at badminton, I’m half way good at writing. I’m half way good at almost everything, and the list of ‘everything’ was so long I could have mastered so many of them first and care about the rest later.

I was simply following my heart but didn’t listen to my head. People said that I have potential and I always stop at that point. I spent 60, 70% of my effort into something and thought that I have gave it all that I had. I didn’t realized how many sweat and tears it takes before one can achieve recognition.

It’s easier being a child. You spend 60% of your effort and you can be better than others. But I’m no kid no more. People keep growing and that little 60% ain’t gonna be enough any more.

I hate competitive people but I realized that in order to live one’s life to the fullest he mustn’t stop trying, not to surpass others but to surpass his own limitation. It’s no fun living a half-assed life. It’s no fun waking up every morning to think that you could’ve done it better, not to be better than others but to be better than yourself. It’s no fun lying down on your bed every night to see how far have others gone and you still wandering at the same place. You suddenly feel so bad you just want to go back to the past and slap your old self so many times to wake him up from his cushion of hallucination.

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Anberlin – Paperthin Hymn

Of two things that I’m now certain about myself :

1. I was half-assed about almost everything that I did.

2. I’m going to fix them, little by little, step by step.

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